Some of you may have noticed very large plants sticking out of the ground near your shopping complex. These plants are called “trees” and we are going to tell you how they grow.
A tree begins life as a seed in a pod found by a sapling grower. The seed is taken out of the pod by the sapling grower who puts it in a plastic bag full of good soil and Monsanto fertilizer. The bag is watered and placed in the shade. Soon the seed grows into a sapling which is about 50 cm high, it is now ready to begin the first of it journeys.
The sapling is sold to a group of beneficent environmentalists from town who have hired a mini-van to go out into the country. After stopping for a nice lunch they arrive at the tree planting place and take some selfies. Then, they get a spade, and some Monsanto fertilizer, and plant a couple saplings (and take more selfies). Then, its off to the refreshments tent and a few more selfies. Sometimes, if they belong to a really good organisation, they will have a photographer who takes the selfies for them and gets them published in the Bangkok Pest. They all feel happy that they have had a nice day in the country and saved the planet at the same time. Then its back to town with a stop for a nice dinner on the way. The selfies that are not published in the Pest can be posted on facebook to show everybody what wonderful people they are to care so much for the environment.
Thing is, if the trees are planted in the dry season they will soon die from lack of water. If they are planted in the rainy season they will soon be covered in ivy which will choke them to death. Strange that you never seen any selfies of townies going back to water, or remove the ivy from, the trees they have planted. That's because they don't do it, and so, all the sampling die. Never mind, a new group of beneficent townies will soon be on their way and the sapling vendors will sell them a new set of trees to plant in the place the old ones that died. Of course, these will also die. However, occasionally, one in a thousand of these saplings survives and grows into a mature tree. It is then ready to make its second journey
Once mature, the tree will soon be spotted by a tree marketer. This kind soul will rescue the tree from the ground. He sends his giant earth mover and flat-bed. Up comes the tree, onto the flat bed, and off the the tree market. At the tree market, trees stand in line, living off water and Monsanto fertilizer, waiting for a buyer. Sometimes they have to stand here for years but eventually a friendly shopping complex owner will come to visit and, if the tree is a pretty one, it will get bought and start off on its next journey.
Back onto the flat-bed and off to the shopping complex where a nice hole, full of Monsanto fertilizer, is waiting for it. Into the hole, a few bits of wood to prop it up, and job is done. The tree has fulfilled it destiny which is to cast shade over parked cars and shoppers. Eventually, the the tree will produce seed pods which will drop on the floor of the car park. Some of these will be picked up by wealthy sapling growers on their way home after buying some fashionable Timberland clothes.
It appears that happiness is spreading amongst the toilets of Chiang Mai. We noticed our first happy toilet at a Chiang Mai temple three months ago, now happy toilets are starting to appears at the far ends of the province. On the old road from Chiang Mai to Bangkok we found this toilet near Li. The road is little used since Highway 1 was completed, the petrol station where we stopped at had a desolate air. The convenience shop had closed, the auto repair sheds were abandoned and even the pumps were rusty. However, the toilet was as clean as ever and a new sign told us that it was a happy toilet.
The sign proclaimed: “Clean toilet. Standard service. Suggestions, complaints, information phone 1614”. Private Tye, eager to know why this toilet was so happy, phoned them up; but all that our reporter got was a phone robot that went round in circles. The mystery remains.
So, with Thai people now so miserable these days, what really does makes the Thai toilets so happy? Well, a toilet does not mind getting dumped on from someone above, if Thai employees had the same attitude they would be a lot happier. Also, what goes down the bowl is not significantly different from what somebody puts in their mouth if they get their lunch from a Thai franchised convenience store. Another thing worth considering is that although they are happy, none of these toilets are equipped with the new red Thaksin toilet bowls.
Private Tye has done some statistics, using massive amounts of data (two observations) and the most sophisticated techniques (a linear projection). We discovered that by the year 2020 every toilet in Thailand will be happy. Gives you something to think about.