Trains in Thailand will now be in line with what Americans consider to be politically correct. Each train will have five carriages. One comprising gay and lesbian toilets, one with transgender toilets, one with transvestite toilets, and one with toilets for men who like to dress as men during weekdays but as women at the weekends. Oh, and a sixth carriage will have passenger seats. In addition to the new trains, the State Railways will make sure that all stations are equipped with the new transgender ATM machines.
However, these progressive moves have had criticism from the shills and trolls at Reddit. They point out that the new trains will only cater for a fraction of the 52 genders recognised by UNESCO and the BBC. Railway officials have been nonplussed and said that they simply did not have engines strong enough to pull 52 carriages.
Private Tye interviewed the Railway’s Official Spokesthing. We asked the Spokesthing if the shortage of seats might cause problems for Chinese tourists. The thing said that this was not a problem because passengers on Thai Railways spent all their time in the toilets. Private Tye suggested that this might be because Railway food contained massive amounts of E. Coli, rather than anything to do with gender. The thing refused to answer and stormed out of the restroom.
There is the real possibility that the railways could become obsolete. A new bus service, Crapper Coaches, has just started between Bangkok and Chiang Mai. Phooey Crapper, the owner of the new company, explained how it works. “Instead of seats, each coach is equipped with 13 individual toilet cubicles. Each passenger on this VIP service gets their own cubical”, Phooey explained. “They will spend the entire 10 hour journey on the Po. We had to make the windows small to stop perverts looking in, but each cubicle has a large screen so that the passengers can watch non-stop YouTube cat videos all the way to Chiang Mai. Its suitable for all 52 genders and all sexual proclivities. In fact, its so liberal that even heterosexuals can use it” said Phooey proudly.
All of this fades into insignificance compared to projects proposed by Australian Company “Bog Standard Solutions”. Managing Director John Dunny talked to Private Tye. “The plan is to completely revolutionise Bangkok offices. Partitions will be heightened by one and a half meters and the partitioned space equipped with a lockable door. The office chair will be replaced by a throne and each worker will have their own wash basin. The space will enable workers to relax completely and concentrate on their business. Corporations will save large amounts of space by removing conventional washrooms and corridors. Lots of office equipment, such as shredding machines, will be unnecessary”. Dunny explained that studies show that, in the average office, two hours out of eight working hours is spent on trips to the restroom.
To get to the bottom of the business, Private Tye went to interview Dr Hong Nam at Thailand’s Babbarbabor University. Dr Hong told us that Dunny’s study was misleading because it was conducted in America. “In Britain people socialize in a pub, in France they socialize in a Restaurant or Cafe, in Asia they socialize in a tea house or food market. In America it is different, for them the toilet is the center of their social life. Look at American movies and TV series, everything important takes place in a toilet. Office intrigue, politics, philosophy, ethics and love are discussed in the toilet. Americans even go to the toilet to box, shoot, stab and garrote each other. The movies make it clear that Americans spend more time looking under the doors of toilet cubicles than they do eating hot-dogs. Now compare European and Asian Films and TV series – most of them do not have a single toilet scene.”
“Thais are worried that if they do not go along with Political Correctness the USA will send the CIA, a carrier fleet and ground troops to bring about regime change. However”, Dr Hong continued, “this is nothing to worry about. Its like democracy; most Asians don’t care, because whoever you vote for you always end up with a racketeer billionaire or a crony capitalist general on top. So, most Asian countries have some sort of voting farce that keeps the Americans happy. Did you know that most Americans think Indonesia is a democracy?” asked Dr Hong laughing hysterically. “We can do the same thing with political correctness, just put one of those unisex signs on every toilet. That will keep them happy. Remember its not gender issues, but toilets that are really important to them”.