As the fleet headed by the USS Zombie Apocalypse heads for North Korea, Private Tye has gained insight into the Trumps’ plans for Armageddon. All was revealed during a talk Trump had with his son Barron.
Barron: I thought we were going to war with Russia.
Trump: We were, but when Mr Tillerson went to Moscow he found out the Russians have hundreds of nuclear missiles capable of hitting America.
Barron: So, they could blow up Trump Tower?
Trump: That’s right.
Barron: So, why are we going to war with North Korea?
Trump: We have to go to war with somebody, and Korean missiles can not reach Trump Tower.
Barron: I do not understand.
Trump: When I fired 50 cruise missiles at a Syrian airbase, my popularity went up. When I start a nuclear war I’ll be the most popular person in America.
Barron: And we’ll all be safe?
Trump: We will, the American bases in South Korea will be incinerated, Okinawa also, probably.
Barron: Isn’t that a problem?
Trump: No it will just be more contracts for our friends at Lockheed Martin, Boeing and Northrop Grumman. And that means more jobs.
Barron: What about the South Korean people?
Trump: They’ll be toast.
Barron: And that’s good?
Trump. Of course, they will not be able to make the Samsung Galaxy anymore. That means that the Apple iPhone will be the only tablet phone on the market. America will be great again.
Barron: I thought the iPhone was made in China.
Trump. Shut up kid or you’ll get a belt round the ear.