Worried that the intelligence agencies won’t know where you are if you loose your mobile phone or the battery goes dead? For only $29, TrackR will make sure they know where you are all the time.
Did you realise that when you go for a walk in the woods you may become invisible to satellite surveillance? This could even happen in Central Park or Hampstead Heath. Do you really want to be on your own in these places? TrackR will make sure you are being monitored even when you are under the bushes.
Agents of the Intelligence agencies work hard to keep you safe but they can only do this if they know where you are every minute of the day. Make life easier for them with TrackR. It’s your patriotic duty.
TrackR has testimonials from from all the leaders in the field:
Rienhard Heydrich: “TrackR is the best gift to the intelligence services since facebook”.
Kim Jong Un: “I bought 24.9 million of them.”
Lavrentiy Beria: “Makes tracking people through Microsoft Windows obsolete”
But this is not all, you can become a spook yourself!
Does your husband really spend all day at work or is he really an agent for the North Koreans? Have a TrackR concealed in the heal of his shoe and you will know exactly where he is.
Is your teenage son being seduced by a sexy Persian girl who is really a honey-trap organised by Iranian Intelligence? Or worse! Sew a TrackR into his Backpack and you will know how much time he spends in Public toilets.
Is your cat a secret Russian hacker? Out all night, where does it go? Attach a TrackR to its collar and you will know exactly how often it goes to Internet Coffee Shops.
An objective evaluation from Daily Tech Life (10 Jan) just below the banner ad for TrackR.
Have you ever lost your car on a parking lot? It happens. You park and go shopping. When you get back, you don't have a clue where your car is. Then you start roaming around clicking on the panic button on your car keys so the alarm goes off. It can be frustrating, especially on a hot, sunny day.
No, you don't need to install an expensive GPS system to keep track of your car. That's way too expensive. You would need to pay a monthly subscription fee just to use it. Don't we have enough bills to pay already?
Islam being homophobic is fake news put out to make gay Christians and Jews hate Muslims. This is the message from the Afghanistan Catamite Dancing Association (ACDASS). They point out that homosexual behaviour has been normal in Afghanistan for hundreds of years.
The ACDASS spokesperson told us that when an Afghan wants a good time he has a choice of a sheep, a donkey or a dancing boy. While most prefer a sheep or a donkey a fair number go for the other option.
Meanwhile, in Pakistan, no wedding party is complete without a transvestite dancer. The Guardian reports:
Known as hijras, a group including transgender people, cross-dressers and eunuchs, they have an ancient history in South Asia. They are mentioned in the pages of the Kama Sutra and served as senior courtiers to the subcontinent’s Mughal rulers in the 17th and 18th centuries.
Pakistan’s transgender population is estimated at about 500,000, many of whom survive in a precarious social niche as wedding dancers and providers of blessings in exchange for cash – often from motorists stuck at traffic lights.
Their position has improved in recent years after a series of historic rulings by the supreme court, including an order that they should be recognised as intersex on their national identity cards. Previously hijras had refused to declare themselves as male or female, meaning they were denied an ID card and therefore the right to vote and stand for election.
The country’s provincial governments were also ordered to create jobs for hijras. Sindh province put a small number to work as municipal debt collectors who sing and dance outside the houses of defaulters to embarrass them into paying up.
Apparently Trump did not know that Farage is helping to organise the secession of Texas from the Union (Texsit). After Farage’s Ukip party persuaded Brits to vote to leave the EU, he has been busy helping other European country’s gain Independence from the European Community. Rumor is that Farage has now been meeting with Representatives of the Texas Nationalist Movement. A poll in 2016 revealed that 40% of Texans are already in favour of secession.
The story from News.com.au (June 2016):
OVER the past few months, the Brexit vote has inspired passionate global debate.
From politicians across the globe to high-profile celebrities and internet trolls, everybody has something to say about whether or not Britain should remain in the European Union.
But on the other side of the world, one surprising movement has expressed a strong interest in the Brexit vote.
This growing group is on a mission for independence, and says it’s not going to stop until its right to that is recognised and enforced.
No, we’re not talking about Britain, or anywhere else in Europe. Head straight across the Atlantic Ocean — until you reach southern America.
IS ‘TEXIT’ THE NEW ‘BREXIT’?
Welcome to the Texas Nationalist Movement. Its motto is “Texas First, Texas Forever”, and its ultimate goal is self-government.
Basically, its members want to politically, culturally and economically separate themselves from the rest of America. Recently, they’ve even called the movement ‘Texit’, in honour of the EU referendum.
The group is building a support network, hoping to get enough numbers to eventually make this dream a reality. They claim to have more than 260,000 members, which would make it the largest single group pushing for the Texas independence. The state’s population is about 27 million.
To put that into perspective, the movement’s social media following, at just more than 208,000 Facebook followers, is actually more than Texas’ Democratic and Republican parties’ followings combined.
But it’s not all just Texans who are backing the movement. Some Russians — including Vladimir Putin — have great support for the campaign, hoping it may lead to the breakup of the United States.
The group says it has collected and delivered thousands of petitions calling for the Texas Legislature to pass a bill giving a referendum, which requires federal approval to be launched.
Horrified that they might be classified as terrorists, there have been mass desertions from Iran’s Elite Army Corp. The soldiers are scared that they might never be able to go to Disneyland, visit Mount Rushmore, eat a real Hotdog or go to the Little Darlings Fully Nude Strip Club in Vegas.