The Ministry of Communications has blocked Britain's Daily Mail and the Shogun's cabinet continues to threaten to impose a single Internet gateway: “The single gateway will be a tool to control inappropriate websites and the inbound of information and news from overseas to Thailand”. Perhaps its time to build a Dark Web in Thailand.
Actually, there is no need to build a dark web, the web is already there. All thats needed is listings of Thai goods and services, many of which are in declined because of old fashioned marketing and a failure to adapt to the world of electronic commerce. For example, Thailand was once famous for its hitmen. Every week you would read about a business man stopping his car at a traffic light and then having his head blown off by a motorcyclist with an 11mm pistol. These days it does not seem to happen very much. However, thanks to the dark web, the services of a professional assassin are now available to ordinary, respectable, middle-class folks in Europe and America.
So, if your husband is having an affair or your wife has a lover, the solution simple. You enter the Hitman Network through the TOR browser and log on. As you using an anonymous browser nobody knows who you are. You hire your hitman and pay in bitcoins, so you are untraceable, nobody can know you ordered the hit! Its the perfect way to get rid of all those people you really hate without any repercussions. Of course, the hitman is also untraceable, so some might ask, what happens if you send your bitcoins and no hit takes place? Well, you can always complain to the police. But we really don't think you would need to. After all, if you can not trust an anonymous hitman who can you trust?
Same is true with drugs. This works well in Britain, you go to the dark web and see lots of suppliers with lovely pictures of weed and stuff. You contact the supplier (its on the dark web so nobody knows), pay them with bitcoin (again, nobody knows who you are), then you give them your name and postal address and they will mail your stuff to you. Heh, heh, perfect!
Here are some dark web shops we recommend:
Old Bill's Bazaar
Coppers Carefree Shopping
Peelers Postal Services
Rozzers Reliable Supplies
Its is now estimated that 80% of illegal drugs in Britain are sold online. Its easy to see why. Jack Pothead is nabbed by the Bill with a brick of best Afghan in his handbag. Back at the station the Bill ask Jack where he got the stuff. Now, Jack has a Prisoners Dilemma; if he says nothing he'll get a good kicking, if he names his supplier he will get a Columbian necktie. So Jack says “I bought it on the dark web”. “Fine”, says Mr Plod, who can now happily finish filling out his arrest report. The report and hundreds like it go to the Chief Constable. He sees that the reports indicate that 80% of of drugs are now bought online, so with the acute perception of a spin doctor he sees that street sales must now be down by 80%. He also sees that more staff are need for a computer crimes unit, and this requires more funds. “Splendid”, he declares and orders a press release. The Guardian and the Telegraph run with story because, as they never bother to check facts when they can be checked, they are certainly not going to question a story where it is impossible to check the facts.
Of course some people, who still have some money left after the Nigerian scams, do send their bitcoins to the dark web shops. The shop owners buy some more weed, take a photo of it, post the photo on the web and then sit back smoking the weed until the next punter sends more bitcoins.
The dark web is famous for porn. However, this is a bit misleading. Our reporters, who are very good at finding porn, went surfing for porn on the dark web and did not find much. The best (worst) they could find was few still pics of an Asian girl having sex with a dog, which was a bit disappointing because they had already seen these pics on the clear web. No doubt there is some confusion (caused by disinformation put out by British newspapers and shills on Reddit) between dark web and dark Internet. The dark Internet is where you do your Internet banking. The dark web pages have addresses containing the word “onion” such as http://newpdsuslmzqazvr.onion/. Dark web pages can not be found by Google or accessed by Neanderthals using Internet Explorer.
So, Private Tye magazine will soon be setting up a dark web shop. Our products will include red plastic Thaksin toilet bowls, high powered water pistols, early 20th century pictures of bare breasted Thai girls, Democratic medical boxes, Japanese electric dildos, packs of cigarettes without pictures of lungs destroyed by asbestos, see-through panties from the 2015 Songkran, and fake rhino horn powder for Chinese men who are so old they have never heard of Viagra.
If you want to order early, send your bitcoins to: 1KCqVo7wRDTYRe52Bg3uszzPCPcFWCT7QZ