21 year old Sillyrat Hedgonrong has gone missing during a backpacking holiday in Lancashire. Sillyrat is five foot three, with black hair and dark brown eyes. She was reported missing by her frantic parents, from My Chang in the north of Ramayana, because they had not heard from her in two days. The last call she made to them was from Bogpool, a resort town on the Irish Sea. She said she was “disorientated” after dropping a tab of ecstasy in a South Shore nightclub. She also said that she thought she was being followed by a donkey.
Sillyrat's mother, Wurria Hedgonrong, has made a desperate appeal on facebook. If any Ramayana backpackers in Lancashire have seen Sillyrat, please contact Wurria immediately, and please keep posting and sharing. The response from Lancastrians has been disappointing, and facebook has been inundated by comments such as “appen shees leaped oft top o tower”, “na'doubt washed oot ta sea affer fooking unda North Pier” and “she musta cum oft Big Dipper, wheee-splat”.
Attempts by Ramayanian Police to contact their counterparts in Bogpool met with difficulties as nobody could be found there who spoke English. Eventually, they spoke to Sargent Scuffer. Scuffer was recently seconded to Bogpool after he shot dead a Brazilian, on the London Underground, for overstaying his visa. Scuffer explained that it was Scottish Fortnight in Bogpool and there were axe fights between Glasgow and Bogpuddlian gangs every night in the pubs. He continued “We do not have time to look for some girl that has not even been stabbed yet”. When asked if Sillyrat would be easy to find as she always wore a Ramayana costume, Scuffer said “naw, does not help at all”. He continued, “half the people in this town dress as clowns, we have 50 year old men dressed as 15 year old schoolgirls, we have furries dressed as teddy-bears and bunny-rabbits, we have 15 year old school girls dressed as 50 year old men, and thousands of Elvis impersonators fleeing the ethnic cleansing in Las Vegas”.
There was hope that Sillyrat had been found when a backpacker reported seeing her eating a barm cake on the Golden Mile, however, it turned out that this was just a Japanese girl in a Godzilla costume.
Reaction from the Ramayanan press has been swift. The Ban-Cock Pest called the incident “a national disgrace” and called for the government to break off diplomatic relations with the UK, while the My Chang Intruder said that the Navy should send its “helicopters only” aircraft carrier to the Irish Sea to rescue Sillyrat. Meanwhile, shills on Reddit have put out the story that she had been abducted by Russian speaking Ukrainians and sold into prostitution.
Wurria and husband Worrium, will fly out to Bogpool tomorrow to look for their daughter. A spokesman for the Ramayana Foreign Office said its really not safe for Ramayanian girls to go backpacking in England, but there is little we can do to stop them.