The newest and tallest addition to Bangkok's skyline caused panic among city commuters when it was noticed that two sections of the building were missing. Passengers at BTS Chong Nonsi fled the station screaming. An eye witness described the scene: “one passenger happened to look in the direction of the MahaNakhon tower and cried out “that can not possibly stand up, its going to fall over and bury us all” then everybody charged to the exits as fast as they could”
There are two missing bits, one at the top and one in the middle. Its the middle bit that worries commuters. One Bangkok commuter, Mr Choke Ironlung, told Private Tye that the middle bit looked just like the sloping cut that loggers make in a tree. I expect that, sometime soon, the top bit will just slide off the bottom bit, he continued.
There is considerable confusion about when the missing bits disappeared. Some think that they disappeared after the building was completed on Monday, while others claim the bits were stolen during construction. The fact is, that nobody ever looked at the building until it was completed. Nobody ever looks up in Bangkok, everybody is playing with facebook all the time.
The residents of Diamond Tower, which has a clear view of MahaNakhon, are convinced that the disappeared bits is the work of Al-Qaeda. “If it was not for the missing bits, the building would look just like a tower from the World Trade Center” said Freddy Fogey, a long time resident of the Diamond Tower. [Editor's note: Built in 1985, Diamond Tower is Bangkok's oldest luxury apartments (they boasted marble floors in all their units, which later turned out to be linoleum) the residents are now all over 70 years old, senile, and can not see beyond their mobile phones].
According to Sillyrat Lunaticalai, President of the Bangkok Martian and Aliens Society (BMA) the missing bits are the result of Alien abductions. “Everybody saw weird lights coming out of the missing bits on Monday night. These were alien teleportation beams”, she told Private Tye. “Alien abductions are common, but in this case they took bits of the building as well. Probably because they wanted a big catch.” she explained.
The Pokemon police are convinced that the missing bits are a result of a giant Pokemon taking a couple of bites out of it. “Obviously it is Tyranitar, which is like Godzilla”, we were told by a Pokemon Police spokesman. They promised to catch it soon.
The other BMA (Bangkok Metropolitan Authority) had a completely different take on the matter. Their spokesman said the bits had gone missing before they reached the construction site. “Its normal in Bangkok construction projects for 50% of the materials to go missing”, he explained. “Usually, the missing bits are from all over the building. A post from the ground floor, a beam from the second floor, a section of floor from the third floor etc. The only unusual thing about the MahaNakhon case is that the missing bits were all from the same area. We'll look for them, of course, but they are probably already gone over the border with Laos. The Lao farmers will be using them to make pig pens, chicken coops and similar things”.
STOP PRESS. Private Tye has just heard from the MahaNakhon's German architect. He told us that there was nothing missing and that the MahaNakhon is meant to look that way. “Its meant to look as though its about to fall down on top of you” he explained, “that way people will notice it, and it will make them feel uneasy, get a sense of vertigo, feel a bit giddy and then they will wet themselves and throw up on the pavement. That's why the developers commissioned it, they wanted a high rise that nobody could ignore”. He continued, “For my own part I see it as a symbol of the giant Ponzi scheme that is now the world economy. Especially the huge bubble of city center property prices. For example, the British are now selling their small embassy compound for half a billion dollars (to cover the cost of BREXIT), this is absolutely absurd. Property prices will soon come crashing down. The MahaNakon symbolizes the funny money it is built with and the imminent financial collapse”. However, physically he thinks the building is sound “It was built by workers from the Todt Organisation and has been designed to withstand RAF bombs and Russian Artillery. It will continue to stand, looking as though it is about to fall down, long after the other high rise buildings in Bangkok have, in fact, fallen down”.