It is three months now since the government instituted the ban on all sales of coffee within 300 meters of any university or college. The measure was put in place to prevent brawls between rival gangs of technical students. Reactions from academics was mixed. Acharn Myloo of Barbarbabor University was pleased that students did not wake up during his lectures. He told Private Tye Magazine that after the ban “they would all have their heads down when I arrived in the theater and would stay fast-asleep until the bell”. However, the Rectum of Easygown University was indifferent. “Our students turn up to register and pay their fees, then we do not see them again until the Degree Award Ceremony” he told Private Tye.
Police response has not been very positive. We interviewed Poophan Plod, head of the Coffee Crackdown Squad (CCS). It seems that students are able to travel more than 300 meters from their campuses, they use cars, motorcycles, bicycles and some of them have even learned to walk. We hadn't expected this said Plod. Quite often the nearest coffee shop to one campus is also the nearest to another. So we get groups from two colleges in the same shop, once they are high on caffeine a brawl is the inevitable result. This did not happen when there were coffee shops near the campus gate.
But there is a much more serious problem. According the Poophan some students have begun smuggling tins of Birdy on to the campuses and making a fortune on this illicit trade. So much so, that these Birdy dealers have formed themselves into rival cartels and are now involved in battles for campus territory. Acharn Myloo is in despair because his students keep getting woken up by the sound of automatic weapons fire as the cartels fight it out.