Dear Dr Shipman,
My name is Sillery Clint and I am the most democratic person in the world. I have mad flashing eyes that scare the hell out of anybody standing near me. What should I do?
Dear Sillery, no need to worry, mad flashing eyes are normal for a psychopathic megalomaniac like yourself. I once saw a film of you having a good giggle while watching your mobile phone video of Gaddafi being torn apart. I knew immediately that we have a lot in common.
I'll send you some pills, swallow a couple of handfuls, they will made you relax completely, forever.