Dear Dr Shipman, My name is David Macaroon and I am the most famous person in England. I have the important job of defending the UK against invasion by the Mongol hoards from North Korea. Recently, I have noticed hair growing on my cheeks, upper lip and chin. This makes me unattractive to men (and pigs) what should I do?
Dear David, you are suffering from what we Doctors call "a beard". It will get worse. It will grow longer, turn grey, and eventually white (at which point you will find yourself being followed by children asking for presents). I have a beard myself and have become unattractive to men (and pigs), however, as most of my patients are old women this does not bother me much. In some cultures men put soap on their face and then scape a razor over it. This is called "shaving" and has to be repeated every day. It is not recommended as it causes scabs and barbers' disease. The simplest solution for you is euthanasia, this will solve your hair problem and all your other problems.
P. S. It is not true that hair continues to grow on corpses.