Dear Dr Shipman, My name is Kim Young'un and I am the supreme being in North Korea. It is my job to defend North Korea from British Trident submarines. Recently, my body has changed from "fat" to "completely spherical with a strange tuft of hair on top". What should I do?
Dear Young'un, I'm afraid you are suffering from "moronic obesity". This is very serious because it always comes with uncontrollable flatulence. The flatulence produces methane which is highly inflammable. So, if you go anywhere near a spark, you will turn into a rocket and be propelled into the atmosphere. When you come down, there is a good chance you will land in South Korea; and then you will spend the rest of your life being water-boarded by the Americans. I'll send you some cyanide tables, these should put you right.