After examining YouTube videos of Theresa May, it was confirmed that Sarin gas, or something similar, or methane, or nothing at all, was used in an attack on 10 Downing Street yesterday. The report comes from the UK Biological and Chemical Warfare Research establishment at Grimbledon Down.
Boris Volte-Face Johnson said that there was no doubt that the Labour Party was to blame. He said he had asked permission from the Americans to launch a missile attack against the Labour Party Headquarters in Newcastle. The missile attack will be launched from British Trident submarines. Donald Windbreaker Trump said he did not care what the British did because the Trident missiles do not work anyway.
Grimbledon Down’s Director Treen said that the YouTube video of May’s agonised face shows that she was clearly the victim of a gas attack. Servants at Number Ten had noticed some suspicious characters wearing flat caps who were bringing boxes of Gripe Water in through the back door. Metropolitan police wish to interview these men and have issued an artists impression of one of them.
In an unrelated event a convoy of buses evacuating Labour Party members to Northumberland was blown up as it passed through the Conservative stronghold of Peterborough. The BBC reported that there was no evidence that the Conservative Party was involved and that the Labour Party, for some reason or another, had probably blown up 150 of their own members.