The Metropolitan Police Special Confectionery Squad will mount a 24 hour guard round Trump to ensure that no chocolate cake is brought anywhere near the President. In addition all cake shops will be closed during the time of Trump’s visit. All cakes suspected of being made of chocolate are currently being impounded.
British Prime Minister, Teresa May, said that Britain welcomes President Trump but that every precaution must be taken to avoid global nuclear war. “We are very much aware that Trump and chocolate cake are volatile substances which if brought together might result in the end of the world”, she told Private Tye. We asked if Trump would be allowed any cake at all. May was adamant “No cake, its just too risky. We will supply him with plenty of blancmange and chocolate ice cream”.
We asked about the danger from suicide cake throwers. “No problem”, answered May “Trump asked to ride in a special carriage, so we have found one with thick glass that will protect him from cake throwing fanatics”.
Britain is mounting a massive intelligence operation in preparation for the Trump visit. The facts were revealed by Willieleaks. GCHQ has 24 hour surveillance of all British citizens and also has access to all the Point Of Sales information from British supermarkets. They have complied a huge watch-list of known cake bakers. Shortly before Trump arrives, the police will round up all the people who are known to have bought cake making materials such as flour and chocolate. They will be sent to special detention sites for water-boarding.
The story from The Times 15 April
Trump demands gold‑plated welcome
President insists on a carriage journey down The Mall to Buckingham Palace
Donald Trump waving from the Queen’s royal carriage is not a scenario many would have foreseen a year ago, but it has become a very real prospect, forcing security services to plan an unprecedented lockdown.
The White House has made clear it regards the carriage procession down the Mall as an essential element of the itinerary for the visit currently planned for the second week of October, according to officials.
Security sources have warned, however, that the procession will require a “monster” security operation, far greater than for any recent state visit.
Barack Obama chose to spare his hosts the task of securing the journey from Horse Guards Parade to Buckingham Palace when he was welcomed by the Queen in 2011. In a slight change of usual protocol President Obama arrived at the palace in an armoured motorcade.
Xi Jinping did stand on ceremony in 2015, although he took the precaution of opting for a closed, rather than open, carriage from the Royal Mews for his ride up the Mall with the Queen.
The security required by the Chinese president will be dwarfed by the operation necessitated for Mr Trump, according to security sources.
The Metropolitan Police was already gearing up for the biggest public order operation in several years, with tens of thousands of people expected to descend on the area to protest. Senior police are already grappling with how to achieve a balance between Mr Trump’s security and allowing the public’s right to demonstrate.
One source said that Mr Trump’s decision to opt for the carriage, rather than the bullet and bomb-proof car that was used by his predecessor presented a range of fresh headaches.
The source said: “The vehicle which carries the president of the United States is a spectacular vehicle. It is designed to withstand a massive attack like a low-level rocket grenade. If he’s in that vehicle he is incredibly well protected and on top of that it can travel at enormous speed. If he is in a golden coach being dragged up the Mall by a couple of horses, the risk factor is dramatically increased.
“There may well be protections in that coach such as bulletproof glass, but they are limited. In particular it is very flimsy.
“It would not be able to put up much resistance in the face of a rocket propelled grenade or high-powered ammunition. Armour-piercing rounds would make a very bad show of things.”
One Whitehall source said that the option of using Windsor was floated at an early planning meeting but rejected on security grounds. “It looked like we’d have to close the M25.”
Mr Trump’s team are also weighing the option of a Scottish element to the visit with a trip to Balmoral one possibility. The Aberdeenshire estate would be far easier to secure than any of the Queen’s other properties.