Social media indicates that large numbers of Thai children are having their faces stolen. The once happy smiling youngsters are left with nothing but pixels. Apparently there is a new camera with artificial intelligence that can recognise a Thai child and immediately turns the face into pixels. These cameras are mostly used by social media journalists but they are openly sold in camera shops and any pervert can buy one.
These poor children grow up to join the enormous numbers of faceless people that now inhabit Thailand. For people with a pixel face it is impossible to relate to other people in the physical world and they must spend their entire lives in the twilight world of social media hiding behind masks of cute furry animals.
Fortunately, there are centres that now cater to these special case individuals. Thai Visa News is a web site that has been established as a place where faceless people can get together and exchange prejudices and photos of their pixel faces. However, these centres are violently apposed by radical groups such as Faceright.
A spokesperson from Faceright told us that everybody has a right to show their faces in public and on the social media. They point out that Thai Visa News has stolen more faces than American missionaries, and that their plan is to turn every Thai into a faceless web slave.
The incoherent Missionary story from Thai Visa News (10 May):
BANGKOK: -- A family drama doing the rounds of Thai social media points to a US religious teacher leading Thai women and his children a merry dance across the whole country.
The missionary - based last in Chiang Mai - and given the name "Peter", was on his fifth wife and sixth child and now seems to have fled the mess he left behind and gone to America, reported Daily News.
The story came to light when a woman went on Facebook to appeal for help in finding her daughter who had been taken from her house on a scheduled visit and not returned.
The story encompasses Chiang Mai, Nakorn Sawan, Sisaket, Payao and now Pattaya.
"Busada" ,31, told Daily News online that she had lived with Peter and they had had a child she called "Robert" who was now 6. She said Peter would never let pictures of the family be put on social media.
She knew that he also has two other children - Christine,6, and Emily, aged one, with a new wife called Koi, 29.
Busada split up with the missionary 2 years ago and Koi did the same six months ago but both women were awarded custody of the children in court. Neither baulked at visiting rights for Peter and yet another new wife called Kaet, 20.
Busada said that Kaet came to collect Robert to take him out to eat but they did not return. Though a text was sent to say he was alright it soon became apparent that the child had been taken away.
Meanwhile, Peter went to the house of his other two children in Sisaket and disappeared with those two as well.
Now all the children are believed to be with Kaet after they were seen in Pattaya.
Busada said that she went to see Kaet's mother in Nakorn Sawan and claimed that while they were on their way to Pattaya the mother tipped off her daughter.
Staff at a condo in Pattaya told Busada that Kaet had three children with her. She would let them play alone all day at the swimming pool and there was serious concern that the children were neglected.
CCTV footage caught Kaet, with a cap to try to conceal her identity, leaving with the three children to avoid capture. She was believed to have gone to hole up in another condo at the resort.
Meanwhile Busada said that she believes that her estranged husband had three other children with two other foreign wives in the past.
Police reports against Kaet have been filed in Payao, Sisaket, Nakorn Sawan and Pattaya as the social media hunt for the children now gains momentum.
After possibly going to Vietnam, Peter the missionary is now thought to be in the US.
“Noun: The plural of penny”. The term has largely fallen in to disuse after the decimalisation of the British currency in 1971. Before that a penny was 1/240 of a Pound.
The penny was made of copper alloy, it was the heaviest British coin and was almost worthless. In English the word “Pence” means the same as “loose change” however, in the “American” language “Pence” means the Vice-President.
In England nobody liked Pence but everybody found their trouser pockets and handbags full of the stuff. Men had to have special straps over their shoulders (called “braces”) to keep their trousers up due to the enormous weight of Pence in their pockets. There was nothing you could buy for a penny. In fact the only thing that a penny could be used for was entrance to a public toilet. This brings us to another English expression “spend a penny” which means “go to the toilet”. Everyone thought that Pence were stupid and were glad when they disappeared.
So, its easy to get confused between the English word “Pence” and the American word “Pence”. They are both pronounced and spelled the same way. Not only this, both words stand for something that is heavy, old fashioned, stupid, worthless and makes you think of the lavatory.
“Verb: To give forth a trumpet-like sound; specifically to break wind audibly. Noun: The act of breaking wind audibly.” This is from the Oxford English Dictionary, the definitive work on the English language.
To put it basically, in English, a “Trump” is a noisy fart. This is likely to be confusing to many Asians because they often mistake “American” for “English”. The mistake is easy to make because English people can understand what is being said when two Americans talk to each other, however, Americans can never understand what is being said when two English people talk to each other. Simply, English and American are two different languages. This is amply illustrated by “Trump”, in English it means “noisy fart”, in American it means “the President”.
Asians need to be careful when talking to foreigners, you’ll need to know if the person you are talking to is English or American. You don’t want to confuse a President with a noisy fart.
You might think the problem can be avoided by always using the word “fart” instead of “trump”. Unfortunately, in English the word “fart” is considered vulgar and “trump” is much more polite. In American it is the opposite. Trump is far more vulgar than a fart.
You might want to think about what a Trump is. At an ordinary level its just a smelly hot gas coming out of a small hole. “A noxious vapour” is a better way of describing it. Really, it is “methane” which is highly unpredictable and explosive, it can be set off with the slightest spark. One thing is for sure, you will always know when there is a Trump, because everybody wants to get away from it as quickly as possible.
Methane is also a greenhouse gas and the main factor in global warming and climate change. Most of this gas comes from Cow Trumps. Many experts now believe that climate change will destroy the planet. So, it seems that the world will come to an end not with a bang but a Trump.
Every year it is the same. All boys need to go to register for military service. The ladyboys turn up and the ladyboys get exempted. They don’t want to join the army and the army does not want them. It does not matter whether they are transsexuals or transvestites, its the easiest way to get out of military service. At least it was until this year.
Now we find that the army has exempted a former student activist “Ja New” for being overweight. So, no need for those expensive hairstyles, wigs and women’s clothes - all you need to do is eat junk food for a couple of months.
There was some confusion yesterday when The Nation, Thailand’s English language newspaper, had the headline: Ja New’ is spared from subscription due to his weight. Readers assumed that Ja New, and all other fat people, would be getting copies of The Nation for free. There was an immediate rush to KFC by people who wanted to save money on newsprint. However, it appears that this was an error due to the fact that The Nation’s proof reader comes from Arkansas.
Ja New is a protest leader who was apposed to the military coup and is opposed to the current military government. Its not difficult to see what he is planning. He intends to destroy the military by cutting off their supply of conscripts. He knows that not everybody is prepared to dress up in womens’ clothing and has come up with a simpler solution. His mottoes are “gorge yourself for democracy” and “get fat for freedom”.
The rest of the Nation’s report (11 April):
On Monday morning, student activist Sirawit Serithiwat, better known as “Ja New," bravely announced that he would forfeit his right to postpone his military conscription.
It appeared he would face the same fate in the lottery as any other young Thai man – if he draws a black card, he is spared conscription, but if it is red, he faces mandatory military service.
However, the high-profile story took another twist on Monday afternoon as he was about to enter the draw, when his mother said she had a hospital medical certificate that recommended that her son should not be conscripted because he is overweight.
When the issue came to a head, he refused to take off his shirt in public, saying privacy was his basic right, and instead went into a private room to be measured by an officer. When he came out from the examination, he said he was overweight, which qualified him for an exemption in mandatory military service.
“I’m here today according to the law. I’m not opposing the law as it was not issued by the National Council for Peace and Order. However my presence has seemed to attract special attention as I have been followed by Army officers all the time,” he said.
The exemption due to his weight means that he is permanently spared participating in the military.
Sirawit told reporters that he felt relieved but not happy because being overweight could affect his health. He added that he would work to lose the weight.
“Ja New”, or Sergeant New, made headlines in December 2015 when he led a group of students activists to board a train to Hua Hin, threatening to launch an inspection into alleged corruption in the construction of the Rajabhakti Kings Park project.
His group was stopped by authorities at Ban Pong Railway Station.
Sirawit had been on a list of university students who have asked for postponements for years, but he offered to enter the draw on Monday.
In the morning, Sirawit attempted to speak to reporters but was told by military officials that he could not do so in the conscription tent. After a brief dispute, Sirawit left the tent and told the media the story.
The Thai Visa/the Nation web page, Khaosan English and Inspire Pattaya all went with “water ban”. Like last year, this makes it Thailand’s most popular April Fools’ Joke. Its a joke that is repeated so often that it should be declared a National Treasure and be given protected status by UNESCO.
Amazingly most of the readers comments in Thai Visa show that they did not know what day it is, and they thought the post was true. So, here is Private Tye’s April Fools’ joke:
The Thai Department of Statistics revealed that the I.Q. of the average farang resident is now below 50%. The Department said that the increase in the number of severely retarded farangs now living in Thailand was due to the large number of Alzheimer sufferers who retire here and the fact that any farang idiot can get a job teaching English.
Amazing Thailand - Ex Tourism Authority (TAT) Governor gets fifty years prison for corruption. TAT has always hated backpackers, beach party people and heavy drinkers who come to Thailand for the nightlife. They use all their money to promote prim and proper tourism. Tourists should come for Thailand’s culture. They should watch Thai Classical Dancing for Tourists at their hotel (performed by factory workers who do not have any idea what they are doing) then go off in a Tour Bus to one of the new, built for Tourists, temples (made of steel reinforced concrete with no monks in residence). TAT has paid advertising agencies to come up with some truly spectacular slogans such as “Thailand – the Land of Smiles” and “Amazing Thailand”.
It seems that prim and proper Juthamas Siriwan, the former Governor of TAT, took a prim and proper bribe of 60 million baht from a couple of Americans for a prim and proper film festival contract. Like most officials on the take, Juthamas sought to hide the money in her Daughter’s account, but, Amazing Thailand, her Daughter has been given 44 years in the prison. So, they are both off to the Land of Smiles.
The Story from the Nation (29 March):
Ex-TAT governor Juthamas jailed for 50 years for corruption
The Central Criminal Court for Corruption and Misconduct Cases on Wednesday sentenced former Tourism Authority of Thailand governor Juthamas Siriwan to 50 years in prison for demanding and receiving a bribe of more than Bt60 million so an American business couple could manage the Bangkok International Film Festival.
Juthamas’ daughter, Jittisopha, was sentenced to 44 years in jail on the same charge. The court also ruled to confiscate the Bt62 million from them.
The mother and daughter avoided the media at the Criminal Court. Prosecutors last year indicted Juthamas, 70, and Jittisopha, 43, for seeking the kickback from the American couple. Juthamas was TAT governor in 2005 when the kickback was allegedly paid.
A group of insurgent squirrels gained access to a transformer, caused a short circuit and burned down a Club in Pattaya. The squirrels were killed in the fire, Pattaya police reported.
The insurgents are part of a group known as Independence for Squirrels In Siam (ISIS). They demand their own independent state in the last 50 square kilometers of forest left in Thailand. They claim that they have been driven from their homes by Burmese migrant workers cutting down Thailand’s national forest to grow maize for the Argro-Industrial Food Processing Companies.
The problem is exacerbated by the fact that a maize crop, after harvesting, leaves behind fields of dry straw. Pyromaniacs set fire to this straw and the flames soon spread through what is left of the forest. The squirrels are then forced to migrate to urban areas to avoid the flames. It is estimated that there are now more than a million migrant squirrels living in Thailand’s cities. A spokesman for ISIS said that squirrels had nothing to loose and would rather burn in a transformer than burn in a maize field.
However, the migrants have not been accepted by locals, especially in Pattaya (Thailand’s leading sea-side resort). A protest group has been organised by Goring Wilders, a Dutchman who owns the “Wogs not Welcome” bar. In an interview with Private Tye, Wilders told us that Squirrels did not accept Pattaya’s culture and that they frequently stole from grocery shops. “They should go back to their own country” he said.
Pattaya police said that they would get on to the ISIS insurgency problem when they had time, but that at the moment they were busy rounding up African prostitutes and Ladyboys.
The story from The Nation (15 March):
A squirrel was blamed for transformer explosion which led to a fire broke out at an entertainment venue on Pattaya City’s Walking Street in Chon Buri's Bang Lamung district Wednesday morning.
No one was injured.
City mayor Pol Maj-General Anan Charoenchasri said the blaze started after a squirrel triggered an electrical problem.
Following the fire report at about 8am, Muang Pattaya Police Station investigation superintendent Colonel Chatchapil Pattarasiriporn contacted the Fire Department and five fire engines were dispatched. It took firefighters about 30 minutes to extinguish the blaze, which destroyed the inside of the Rock Street Pattaya club.
A cleaner told police she heard the transformer in front of the shop explode three times before the flames spread quickly in the business and she and fellow workers fled the building and alerted police.
Turtles could provide a source of funding for National Parks according to a government spokesman. “The turtle is known as an Omsin (piggy bank) and people love to throw money at it”, he continued. “Everybody likes them and they are an indigenous species. Currently anybody visiting a historical park is required to give huge amounts of money to a Unesco.”
“The Unesco is a greedy, ugly creature that was introduced into Thailand by Europeans in the 20th century. The money thrown at the Unesco is never recovered, it all goes to Paris where it is spent on gourmet dinners (of sharks fin and turtle soup) and used to buy apartments in Manhattan” the spokesman told Private Tye.
“If we replace the Unescos with Omsins everybody will be happy and we can use the coins to maintain our historical parks. If we leave things as they are, our historical parks will end up like Palmyra” he concluded.
The story from Reuters (6 March):
Thai veterinarians on Monday removed 915 coins from a 25-year-old sea turtle which had been swallowing items thrown into her pool for good luck, eventually limiting her ability to swim.
The coins and other objects removed from the turtle named Omsin - piggy bank in Thai - weighed 5 kg (11 lb). The turtle itself weighed 59 kg (130 lb).
The green sea turtle, living at a conservation center in Sriracha, Chonburi, east of the Thai capital of Bangkok, had been finding it hard to swim normally because of the weight.
The vets said they believed the seven-hour-long operation was the world's first such surgery.
"We think it will take about a month to ensure she will fully recover," said Nantarika Chansue, of Chulalongkorn University's veterinary science faculty, adding that the turtle would need six more months of physical therapy.
There was no immediate estimate of the value of the coins, some of them foreign and many corroded.
Charged with the task of catching anybody not wearing a helmet, a new force of Robocops is being raised. The Robocops will be equipped with a new Gizmo, which will learn to recognise people not wearing helmets or not wearing hats that look like helmets.
In a land where methamphetamine consumption is at epidemic proportions, Government corruption rife and murder commonplace, its good to see that the police have their priorities right. People without helmets are a menace to society that can not be underestimated.
It is still not clear how the new “intelligent” Robocops are to go about arresting violators. Historically Robocops have been an elite incorruptible force. However, despite their untouchable reputation, they have had a poor arrest record.
The other story from Thai PBS (1 March):
Thailand Research Fund (TRF) has developed a smart image capturing and ticketing system that could automatically detect motorcyclists and pillion riders who do not wear crash helmets, and then issue them traffic tickets.
The new innovative system called “Ja Choei Intelligent Detecting and Ticketing” system was handed over to the Metropolitan Police Bureau for trial first at Suthisarn police station.
The system will be put in service in April with aim of catching and fining motorcyclists and pillion riders ignoring the police campaign for them to wear crash helmets for their safety as fatal accidents involving motorcycles tops all road accidents and resulted in highest casualties every year.
The innovation is hoped to help traffic police to strictly enforce the traffic rules and reduce the number of traffic violators, particularly motorcyclists.
According to statistics, 65% of traffic accidents and road related fatalities came from motorcycles.
TRF researcher Dr Mongkol Ekpanyapong said the automatic detection system could check whether the motorcycle riders and their passengers have worn crash helmets or not through using closed circuit cameras to capture them at the front and at the rear.
He said the system would lock the images of the motorcyclists and passengers who were not wearing safety helmets by using machine learning techniques. The images would then be sent back to the data base of the Traffic Police Division.
He recalled that TRF has captured numerous pictures of motorcyclists and passengers with and without helmets during the laboratory tests and forward to the computer to let it learn.
This was like teaching the kids to differentiate the images of motorcyclists and pillion riders with and without helmets which needed so many pictures until the computer could learn and tell the difference.
He said the cameras would be installed at five metres high which would be the best position to clearly and accurately capture the pictures of violators.
The images captured would be sent to automatic vehicle registration plate inspection system so traffic tickets woukd be automatically issued to the violators.
But traffic police will recheck the tickets for accuracy before they are sent out.
Deputy Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police Bureau Pol Maj Gen Jirapat Phumichit said the system would be put on trial period in the area under the charge of Suthisarn police.
He said during the past six months, the system could detect the violators with high accuracy at 84 percent. There were 116 violators per hours.
He said the police will start using the system in April.
If the system works with positive results, it would be expanded to cover more locations, he added.
The treatment of suspects and prisoners by the United States has been an inspiration to us all. Including kindergarten teachers in Thailand’s Surin Province who have been binding and blindfolding five year olds who do not concentrate in class.
Surin kindergarten teachers are not the brightest people in the world. When they have seen on television that these practices are acceptable in the USA, its not surprising that they think they will be acceptable in Thailand.
The story from Sanook translated by Thai Visa News (25 Feb)
SURIN: -- Two kindergarten teachers in Surin have been exposed on social media after they bound and blindfolded two five year olds.
They said they administered the punishment to teach the little ones to concentrate in class. And initially the director of the school backed them after the incident went viral of Thai social media earlier in the week.
But now following a crisis meeting held at the school in Chumphonburi district of the north eastern Thai province the two female teachers involved have agreed to pay 40,000 baht in compensation reported Sanook.
They have also asked to be transferred to another area. But the matter is unlikely to end there as district education chiefs have ordered a further investigation.
The incident surfaced on Monday when pictures of a little girl called "A" circulated online. She had her hands bound with tape and was blindfolded with tape around her eyes.
Initially the director of the school said it was not hurting the students at all and he called everyone in to explain matters. The director agreed with the teachers that the punishment would be a good way to teach concentration.
But the parents of "A" and another five year old were furious. Yesterday a crisis meeting was held. It was attended by the director, the parents, the two female teachers responsible for the first year of kindergarten and local police.
Sanook.com said that reporters were barred from the meeting.
Following the meeting the director said that both teachers had admitted what they had done and agreed to pay the parents of each child 20,000 baht. They also asked for a transfer.
But the matter will not end there. Narong Meuanchart, the deputy education department chief in Surin Region 2, said that a committee has been set up to investigate the matter further and take appropriate action against those involved.