Dear Dr Shipman, My name is Petro Willy-Wonka and I am the richest man in the Ukraine. It is my job to protect the Ukraine from anybody that speaks Russian. Recently, I went to visit some Right Sector troops that were using a 175 mm artillery piece to blow up senior citizens in Donetsk. During my inspection I got my head stuck down the barrel of this weapon, how do I get it out?
Dear Petro, Do not worry, this will do no damage to the artillery piece. In fact, it is routine practice to stop up the barrel with a lump of grease to prevent it from rusting. There should be a button marked “fire” (but it is probably in Russian) get one of your toadies to press this. It will clear the barrel immediately. But make sure the troops are standing well back, you do not want them to get splattered in rancid lard.