As riot police battle Turkish demonstrators in Rotterdam, President Erdogan said that this would not impede progress towards Turkish union with Europe. He is confident that Turkey will join the Union before Britain leaves.
In an interview with Private Tye, Erdogan emphasized that early elimination of border controls with Europe was necessary to get rid of all the Turkish journalists, University Professors, atheists and ordinary Turks who did not vote for him. The European Union likes these people, he said, and we don’t want them here. The EU is the only place that can take them. He explained that he had tried to arrange a population exchange with Syria: undesirable Turks for Syrian migrants. However, Assad did not want any Turks, not if they were still living. So, union with the EU, even if it is only for a few months, is the best option. Otherwise ww will just have to put all these people in leaky boats and send them to North Africa, he concluded. Private Tye tried to interview Geert Wilders about the situation in Rotterdam but he could not stop laughing. The other story from Reuters (13 March): President Tayyip Erdogan said on Sunday the Netherlands was acting like a "banana republic" and should face sanctions for barring Turkish ministers from speaking in Rotterdam, fuelling a row over Ankara's political campaigning abroad. Erdogan is looking to the large number of Turks living in Europe, especially in Germany and the Netherlands, to help secure victory next month in a referendum that would give the presidency sweeping new powers. In a speech in France, Foreign Minister Mevlut Cavusoglu described the Netherlands as the "capital of fascism" as it joined other European countries in stopping Turkish politicians holding rallies, due to fears that tensions in Turkey might spill over into their expatriate communities. The Dutch government barred Cavusoglu from flying to Rotterdam on Saturday and later stopped Family Minister Fatma Betul Sayan Kaya from entering the Turkish consulate there, before escorting her out of the country to Germany. Dutch police used dogs and water cannon on Sunday to disperse hundreds of protesters waving Turkish flags outside the consulate in Rotterdam. Some threw bottles and stones and several demonstrators were beaten by police with batons, a Reuters witness said. Mounted police officers charged the crowd. The Dutch government - set to lose about half its seats in elections this week, according to polls, as the anti-Islam party of Geert Wilders makes strong gains - said the visits were undesirable and it would not cooperate in their campaigning. "I call on all international organizations in Europe and elsewhere to impose sanctions on the Netherlands," Erdogan said, after his prime minister earlier said Turkey would retaliate in the "harshest ways", without specifying how. "Has Europe said anything? No. Why? Because they don't bite each other. The Netherlands are acting like a banana republic," Erdogan said in a speech in Kocaeli province, near Istanbul. A day earlier, Erdogan described the Netherlands as "Nazi remnants" and returned to the theme on Sunday by saying "Nazism is still widespread in the West" in what Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte said were inflammatory remarks. "We ended up in a totally unprecedented situation in which a NATO ally...with whom we have historic ties, strong trade relations, is acting in a totally unacceptable, irresponsible manner," Rutter told reporters. Rather than the Netherlands apologizing for refusing the Turkish ministers entry, Turkey's president should apologize for comparing the Netherlands to fascists and Nazis, he said. The row risked spreading on Sunday as Denmark's Prime Minister Lars Lokke Rasmussen proposed postponing a planned visit by Yildirim this month due to the dispute. The French foreign ministry urged calm and said there had been no reason to prohibit a meeting in France between Cavusoglu and a local Turkish association. Supporting Rutte's decision to ban the visits, the Dutch government said there was a risk of Turkish political divisions flowing over into its own Turkish minority, which has both pro- and anti-Erdogan camps. The diplomatic row comes in the run-up to next week's Dutch election in which the mainstream parties are under strong pressure from Wilders' Party for Freedom (PVV). Experts said it was too early to tell how events in Rotterdam might affect the election. "If there is any impact, however, it is likely that Geert Wilders and his PVV Party will profit most," said Leiden University professor of electoral research Joop van Holsteijn.
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Now that he is President Donald Trump is getting to meet some really rich people. In the forthcoming audience Trump is expected to discuss which Middle Eastern counties to destabilize next. Pundits suggest that the list will be limited to Jordan and Oman because all the other countries are either destabilized already or owned by filthy rich people.
Trump is also expected to ask for Saudi help with removing rotting skyscrapers from America’s inner cities. Financial help with building the wall will also be high on the agenda. Both Trump and the Saudis agree that Mexicans and Shiite Muslims need to be kept out. However, whether Sunni Muslims will be allowed free passage is a more difficult question. Obviously they can not help with removing the skyscrapers if they are not allowed in. From Reuters (12 March): Saudi Deputy Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman left Saudi Arabia on Monday for the United States for a visit scheduled to include talks with U.S. President Donald Trump, the Royal Court said in a statement carried by state news agency SPA. It will be the first meeting between the powerful son of Saudi King Salman bin Abdulaziz, who is spearheading a Saudi economic reform plan, and the U.S. president since Trump came to office in January. The statement said that in his talks with Trump and other U.S. officials, Prince Mohammed, who is also the Saudi defense minister, was expected to "discuss reinforcing bilateral relations and review regional issues of mutual interest". It said that the working visit would start on Thursday but gave no further details. King Salman, ruler of the world's top oil exporter, is currently in Japan, part of a month-long Asia tour to build ties with the world's fastest growing importers of Saudi crude and promote investment opportunities, including the sale of a stake in its giant state firm Saudi Aramco. Trump spoke by telephone with Salman soon after he took office in January and agreed to support safe zones in Syria and Yemen, according to a White House statement. [nL3N1GE2M4] Before his departure for the United States, Prince Mohammed met with Citigroup’s Chief Executive Officer Michael Corbat in Riyadh on Sunday to discuss investment opportunities in the kingdom and globally, SPA reported. BBC policy has always been to decide what is happening in Thailand from their office in London. After this, a script is sent to their zombie correspondent. The zombie stands on Bangkok’s Ploenchit Road (outside the BBC office in the Maneeya Center) and reads the lines, mimicking a real foreign correspondent.
In Britain, if you own a television you must buy a licence, or go to jail. The licence fee goes to the BBC. In 2013 there were 180,000 prosecutions and 32 people in jail for not paying up. The BBC is governed by Trustees who are appointed by the Queen. The people who pay the license fee have no say in the appointments. Nor do they have any say in the day to day management of the BBC, nor does Britain’s democratically elected Government. In a private company the Board is responsible to the shareholders, the Government is responsible to the electorate, the BBC is responsible to absolutely no one. Despite being one of the World’s least Democratic organisations, the BBC makes judgments about which Governments in the world are democratic. In Thailand they decided that the Government of Billionaire racketeer Taksin Shinawatra was democratic, despite the fact that massive vote buying was obvious to everyone (you would have to be a zombie not to notice). However, the Government of Abhisit Vejjajiva was not democratic because the BBC said he had ties to the Military. Private Tye suggest that the BBC has its Trustees elected by the TV licence holders, its judgments on democracy might have more credibility if it did. The closure of the shortwave transmitters in Nakon Suwan was due to the failure of the BBC to reach agreement with the Thai government. It has been suggested that the Government’s criticism of the BBC Thai language service may be the reason. However, it is more likely that nobody listens to it anymore. The BBC’s brand of “holier than thou” fake news is increasingly irrelevant in Asia where people can choose their fake news from hundreds of cable and TV channels as well as thousands of Internet streams. Zombie radio is a thing of the past. Asians want zombies on television not on radio. The story from Associated Press via Khaosod (9 March): BANGKOK — Britain’s BBC announced Wednesday it is ending its shortwave transmissions from Thailand after 20 years of operation because it failed to reach agreement with Thailand’s military government on a renewal of its operating permit. The British Broadcasting Corp. said in a statement that the transmitters have been off the air since Jan. 1 after the previous agreement expired. “Despite extensive negotiations, we have been unable to reach an agreement to re-commence transmissions. Given the financial constraints faced by the whole of the BBC, we have reluctantly decided to shut the site,” it said. The decision to shut the site may cause 45 staff members to lose their jobs, it added. East Asia was the primary area served by the transmitters in Nakhon Sawan in central Thailand. The BBC moved its East Asia relay station to Thailand from Hong Kong after the handover of the British colony to China in 1997. Thailand’s government has publicly criticized the BBC’s online Thai language service, which covers political developments more frankly than local media. “We regret that we have not been able to reach an agreement with the Thai government which would allow us to continue using this facility to bring accurate and impartial news to audiences in the region,” the BBC said. “We are continuing to develop other ways for people to access the BBC, including internet and mobile streaming, as well as FM radio and TV broadcasts.” Last November, the BBC announced it would beam regular Korean-language broadcasts to North Korea, but it was not clear whether the loss of the Thai transmission site might affect those plans. The U.S.-government-funded Voice of America and Radio Free Asia already target North Korea. Many international broadcasters have cut back or eliminated their shortwave services in recent times, supplanted by satellite television transmissions and the internet. In addition to Men and Woman machines, the Thai Kamakorn Bank is providing ATMs for the LGBT community. The first of these was opened in Pattaya last weekend. Public reaction to the new machines has been generally positive. “It is great news” said a Miss Tiffany runner up, “Now I can queue up for cash without having some bot-bellied, stinky Russian pushing up behind me”. A representative from the Thai Lesbian Alliance was not so keen, “Our members have spent a fortune making themselves look like men, they don’t want to be seen queuing up with ladyboys” we were told. The spokesperson for the Bearded Bondage Biker Bears was equally indignant. “We will continue to use the men’s machines” they said. Members of Pattaya’s Stinky, Pot-bellied Russians Association, were very disappointed and said they would be taking their next vacation in Rio. Private Tye has previously reported on Thai Trannies being Traumatized over Toilets, no doubt for them the new machines come as a relief. Meanwhile at Seacoastonline.com (8 March): KENNEBUNK — The gay pride flag raised by the Gay Straight Trans Alliance (GSTA) Club at Kennebunk High School has been taken down less than a week after it was flown at the request of a transgender student who Principal Sue Cressey said was uncomfortable with the media attention. Cressey said what was intended as a show of unity and support for all students at the school, quickly became "politicized" with media outlets calling district officials and students asking if they were trying to make a political statement. In a statement late Tuesday, Cressey said the flag will be displayed inside the school, and "we will continue to support all students." A Twitter post by the "Feminist Group," a new grassroots club that operates outside of the school, showing a short video of the flag raising ceremony went viral last Friday. KHS is said to be the first school in the state to fly a gay pride flag. The GSTA Club has existed at KHS for many years and it supports gay, straight, and transgender students. The club has posters and messages posted inside the school, and they approached Cressey a few weeks ago saying they wanted something that showed their message of acceptance and unity outside as well. Cressey said with club funds they purchased the flag, and a ceremony was held to raise it, alongside flags from the countries of students at the school. Cressey said the flag poles were purchased years ago by an exchange organization that brought students from other countries to the school, with the idea that it would fly flags representing the diversity of the school population. "That's how it all came about. It's not a political thing. It's a group of nice kids within the school that watch out for each other. It's a group of kids across the culture of the high school, just trying to be nice people, because that's the way our kids are here," Cressey said. Kayla Fadiman, a sophomore at KHS, said the flag "means that everyone at Kennebunk High School will be treated equally regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. It demonstrates that our school is a safe place for LGBTQ youth where they will be protected and supported." "I want the people who see this flag to know that our school is a place of compassion and tolerance," she said. "The flag is not a political statement, but a physical representation of peace, inclusion, and strength in diversity." Her father, school board member Matt Fadiman, speaking as a parent, said he was proud of his daughter. "I am proud to see my daughter and so many KHS students set a visible example of inclusion and acceptance. And I am proud of the school for supporting those efforts. While my daughter is straight, labels matter little to her. She and all the kids care only that their friends and peers feel happy and supported. It's really as simple as that. We often hear so much about bullying, intolerance, fear and suspicion. Isn't it terrific to know that the kids at KHS want to set the opposite example?" Matt Fadiman said. Cressey said that RSU 21 Superintendent Katie Hawes and the school board were supportive of the students' efforts and appreciated the fact that the flag was raised by students who were showing care and support for other students. Her decision to take down the flag came after a flurry of attention that interfered with the school day at KHS. "After an afternoon of calls from various news organizations, it became clear to me that the First Amendment right to fly the flag was interfering with the educational process at KHS and making some students very uncomfortable," Cressey said. "So I made the decision to take the flag down." The CIA’s brilliant idea of having TVs watch people, instead of people watching TV, has backfired just a day after it was announced by WillieLeaks. Not content with condom surveillance, the CIA wants every electronic device in the home and office to be a surveillance device. However, by their own admission every system in the USA is vulnerable to Russian hackers. It seems that the people in the CIA must have “Learning Difficulties”. So have we got this right? The CIA is going to be watching everybody all the time. The Russians and North Koreans will hack into the CIA systems and watch everybody that the CIA is watching all the time. The Russians will leak the feeds through WillieLeaks. Everybody subscribing to WillieLeaks will upload the feeds to Youtube, Xvideos and Xhamster. So everybody will be watching everybody else all the time. So, if everybody is going to be watching everybody else all the time, why do we need the CIA? As we said, the people at the CIA must have “Learning Difficulties”. From the Economist (11 March):
The spy who came in for the code WikiLeaks embarrasses the CIA The agency, which exists to find out secrets, fails to keep them. A GRIM year for American spy agencies took a turn for the worse with the leaking, on March 7th, of what appeared to be a lengthy, detailed catalogue of the CIA’s secret hacking tools for turning computers, internet routers, telephones and even web-enabled televisions into remote spying devices, and for bypassing encrypted messaging services by penetrating individual Apple and Android smartphones. The WikiLeaks anti-secrecy organisation posted nearly 9,000 documents and files dated 2013-16 in what it said was a first taste of a “vault” of CIA secrets. WikiLeaks claimed that the archive was provided by a former American government hacker or contractor eager to “initiate a public debate” about the security and democratic control of cyber-weapons, viruses and malware. The group said it had redacted computer code that could be used to launch attacks, pending such a debate. That self-justification by WikiLeaks will only further strain relations between the intelligence community, the administration of President Donald Trump and technology firms in Silicon Valley. In the final days of the Obama era, American spy chiefs assessed “with high confidence” that a trove of embarrassing e-mails stolen from officials at the Democratic Party and Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign were “relayed” to WikiLeaks by Russia, in a bid to sway the election of 2016. A month before that election Mr Trump had gleefully hailed the leaking of Clinton campaign e-mails, declaring: “I love WikiLeaks!” Days before taking office in January, Mr Trump accused American spy agencies of leaking against him, though he finally conceded that Russia might have been behind the hacking of Democratic e-mails. The new CIA leaks are a fresh blow to an intelligence community still suffering the after-effects of the release of National Security Agency documents by a former contractor, Edward Snowden, in 2013. The leaks once again highlight the trade-offs underlying espionage in the digital age. Governments want good computer security because they fear cyber-crime and hacking. Yet they also value security flaws because computers and smartphones are excellent spying tools, even in an age of strong, private-sector encryption. If spies can read files directly off a target’s screen, they need not care if it is later transmitted by WhatsApp or similar services. In another trade-off, governments rely on close co-operation with technology companies. That is why in 2010 the Obama administration undertook to alert firms to security flaws when they found them. WikiLeaks appears to show government agents still buying and hoarding so-called “zero-day” vulnerabilities from hackers, meaning coding flaws not known to a technology product’s creators. The files show agents discussing how to break into such operating systems as Apple’s iOS and Google’s Android, to extract a target’s location, audio and text messages, and secretly take over control of a smartphone’s microphone and camera. Apple said it had already patched many of the newly revealed flaws and would “rapidly” address others. One of the more lurid files describes “Weeping Angel”, a program that can turn Samsung internet-connected televisions into listening devices, sending conversations back to the CIA. Other documents describe bids to penetrate vehicle control systems in cars. A WikiLeaks commentary suggested this would allow “nearly undetectable assassinations”. If politicians are incensed that spy agencies seem unable to keep secrets, spooks can point to still another trade-off: the tension between employing hackers with the skills and cunning to design cyber-weapons, and the trickiness of enforcing discipline among workers who may not share the CIA’s culture. The newly leaked files detail codenames that refer to the Harry Potter books, whisky brands and a drug used to treat hyperactivity. The FBI will now hunt for moles and leakers. The CIA must patch up its systems and meanwhile brace itself for fresh disclosures. That would be bad enough, but trust is low between those agencies and close supporters of Mr Trump, who charge intelligence services with acting as a “deep state” disloyal to the president. Foreign foes have much to cheer. WillieLeaks will tell you who is having sex with whom; celebrities, politicians, even your neighbors. It will make Julian Assange a thing of the past. Are you interested in going through 8,000 documents about the CIA? Of course not, who cares? You want to know who is bonking Beyonce, who is muffing Milo Yiannopoulos, who is copulating with Kellyanne Conway, and most of all you want to know what Mrs Smith next door is doing with the Postman. So, drop WikiLeaks and shift to WillieLeaks. The newest thing in spying technology is condom surveillance. People like to know how well they are doing and the new smart condoms, called I.Con, tell you just that. They relay information (such as thrusts per minute, pounds per thrust etc.) to your mobile phone. You can then share, and boast about, this information with other smart condom users. The manufacturers, British Condoms, soon had something more popular than the I.Pad. Britain’s GCHQ was quick to see the intelligence possibilities and bought up British Condoms through a dummy company in the British Virgin Islands. Scientists at Porton Down produced an outer membrane that could identify DNA. GCHQ, the CIA and NSA and got together to build a data center to handle all this information and, of course, its leaking like a sieve. WillieLeaks is now receiving thousands of names every day. These include: Stars from film and television, politicians, facebook administrators, Judges, UNESCO officials, traffic wardens, journalists, celebrity cooks, used car salesmen, fashion designers, bankers, Australian cabin crews, quiz show hosts and, of course, Mrs Smith from next door. The Independent report (8 March) on the latest Wikileaks (condom surveillance is not even mentioned): WikiLeaks CIA files: The 6 biggest spying secrets revealed by the release of 'Vault 7' WikiLeaks has released a huge set of files that it calls "Year Zero" and which mark the biggest exposure of CIA spying secrets ever. The massive set of documents – over 8,000 pages in all – include a host of hacking secrets that could embarrass intelligence agencies and the US government, as well as undermining spying efforts across the world. Here are six of the biggest secrets and pieces of information yet to emerge from the huge dump. 1) The CIA has the ability to break into Android and iPhone handsets, and all kinds of computers. The US intelligence agency has been involved in a concerted effort to write various kinds of malware to spy on just about every piece of electronic equipment that people use. That includes iPhones, Androids and computers running Windows, macOS and Linux. If that software is as powerful as WikiLeaks claims, it could be used to remotely control those devices and switch them on and off. Once that happened, a vast array of data would be made available – including users' locations, messages they had sent, and potentially everything heard by the microphone or seen by the camera. 2) Doing so would make apps like Signal, Telegram and WhatsApp entirely insecureEncrypted messaging apps are only as secure as the device they are used on – if an operating system is compromised, then the messages can be read before they encrypted and sent to the other user. WikiLeaks claims that has happened, potentially meaning that messages have been compromised even if all of the usual precautions had been taken. 3) The CIA could use smart TVs to listen in on conversations that happened around themOne of the most eye-catching programmes detailed in the documents is "Weeping Angel". That allows intelligence agencies to install special software that allows TVs to be turned into listening devices – so that even when they appear to be switched off, they're actually on. That's just one of the technologies created by the Embedded Devices Branch, the CIA division at the centre of much of the leaks of new information. 4) The agency explored hacking into cars and crashing them, allowing 'nearly undetectable assassinations' .Many of the documents reference tools that appear to have dangerous and unknown uses. One file, for instance, shows that the CIA were looking into ways of remotely controlling cars and vans by hacking into them. "The purpose of such control is not specified, but it would permit the CIA to engage in nearly undetectable assassinations," WikiLeaks notes, in an unproven piece of speculation. 5) The CIA hid vulnerabilities that could be used by hackers from other countries or governments. WikiLeaks claims that its source handed over the documents in order to provoke a debate about the power of intelligence agencies and how their information should be exposed. Perhaps central to that is the accusation that the CIA was "hoarding" exploits that it had found – rather than handing them over to the companies that could fix them, and so make users safe, as they had promised to do. Such bugs were found in the biggest consumer electronics in the world, including phones and computers made Apple, Google and Microsoft. But those companies didn't get the chance to fix those exploits because the agency kept them secret in order to keep using them, the documents suggest. "Serious vulnerabilities not disclosed to the manufacturers places huge swathes of the population and critical infrastructure at risk to foreign intelligence or cyber criminals who independently discover or hear rumors of the vulnerability," a WikiLeaks statement read. "If the CIA can discover such vulnerabilities so can others." WikiLeaks noted that those unfixed exploits affected everyone using the equipment, including "the U.S. Cabinet, Congress, top CEOs, system administrators, security officers and engineers". 6) More information is coming. The documents have still not been looked through entirely. There are 8,378 pages of files, some of which have already been analysed but many of which hasn't. The files are being shared publicly on the WikiLeaks website and the organisation has encouraged its supporters to keep looking through the documents in the hope of finding more stories. And that's not to mention the other sets of documents that are coming. The "Year Zero" leaks are just the first in a series of "Vault 7" dumps, Julian Assange said. When taken together, those "Vault 7" leaks will make up the biggest intelligence publication in history, WikiLeaks claimed. Its official, in the event of a North Korean Invasion, British Soldiers have been instructed to lay down and surrender. Field Marshall Sir Nigel Blithering-Idiot said “I can not expect my men to fight against this sort of thing”. An imminent Korean invasion has been determined by GCHQ and the CIA using the “I.Con” condom surveillance device.
The North Korea army will march through China, Russia, Belarus, Poland, Germany and into France. From there they will charge through the Channel tunnel. “We can expect a first wave of at least 100,000 screaming stormtroopers armed with swords and black panties”, Sir Nigel told Private Tye. “There is no way our boys can stand up to that.” David Cameron warned against this. He commissioned a new fleet of submarines which could be used to blow up the channel tunnel, unfortunately, these will not be ready in time and the old submarines don’t work. Private Tye asked if the North Korean army could be stopped on its line of March. Sir Nigel was pessimistic. “The Chinese, Russians and Belorussians will not care. The Poles will think they are demonstrating Neo-Nazis. The Germans will think they are Syrian migrants. The French will be too busy fighting among themselves to notice. Will we at least know when it is going to happen? Private Tye asked. Sir Nigel said we could be sure of that, thanks to condom surveillance. “We will receive strong signals when the Koreans march through China. When they enter Russia the signals will drop to virtually nothing. They will pick up again when the Army enters Germany and will reach “Bunny Rabbit pitch” when they get into France. It seems that Boris Johnson is fixated on Nukes and ignores the threat from land forces, Reuters (6 March): UK urges North Korea to stop 'provocative actions' after missile launches British foreign minister Boris Johnson condemned North Korea's firing of four ballistic missiles into the sea off northwest Japan, saying such "provocative actions" were a threat to international peace and security. The missile launches have angered South Korea and Japan, days after North Korea promised retaliation over U.S.-South Korea military drills it sees as a preparation for war. "The UK firmly condemns North Korea's latest ballistic missile launches," Johnson said in a statement on the government's website. He added that Britain, which currently holds the presidency of the United Nations Security Council, was working with international partners over the launches. "We urge North Korea to stop its provocative actions, which threaten international peace and security," he said. The best thing about sex is being able to boast about it afterwards, but who believes you? The new I.Con condom can positively identify your sexual partners and it costs only 59.99! We have all been there, haven’t we? We finally get to have sex with Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie or both, but when we go down to the pub or club nobody believes us. Now the problem is solved with I.Con (yes, it is really called that). So how does it work? Just like any other condom you put it over your penis, then insert it into the orifice (any orifice will do). The outer membrane of the condom will then analyse the DNA structure of the surrounding tissue. The DNA code is then transmitted to a central data center where everybody’s DNA structure has been recorded (along with their names, address, social security number, passport number and facebook address). The data base is a joint venture between the CIA, NSA and Britain’s GCHQ. But how does this help me? GCHQ is located at Wuthering Heights, near Harrogate in the middle of the Yorkshire moors. The staff are so poorly paid that they can hardly afford a pint of Tetley’s Bitter to warm them up during the Winter Blizzards. They always welcome a bit of extra cash from Britain’s tabloid newspapers. So, when a celebrity DNA arrives at the Data Center they immediately leak it to the Mirror. Suppose your name is “Nerdly Nobody” and you have sex, wearing an I.Con, with the world’s most famous used to be couple. Next morning you are sure to find “Nerdly has a Jolie time” and “Nobody has Brad in his Pitt” as the newspaper headlines. Fame at last, you’ll get free drinks all night at the pub. Here is the blurb from the manufacturers “Britishcondoms” (we did not make this up): Have you ever wondered how many calories you’re burning during intercourse? How many thrusts? Speed of your thrusts? The duration of your sessions? Frequency? How many different positions you use in the period of a week, month or year? Ever wondered how you stack up to other people from around the world? Welcome to the future of wearable technology in the bedroom. Welcome to i.Con. i.Con is the worlds first smart condom ring and will be available in 2017 from British Condoms exclusively. We are sure there’s a lot of questions you have, so, we’ll run through the frequently asked: What is i.Con? Is it an actual condom? Is it reusable? No, i.Con is not an actual condom; it’s a ring that will sit over a condom at the base, which you can use over and over again. It is extremely comfortable, water resistant and lightweight, you won’t even know it’s there ensuring maximum pleasure and, peace of mind that you can choose any condom you wish to use in conjunction with the i.Con. How does it work? Utilizing a Nano-chip and sensors, i.Con will measure and remember a number of different variables during your sessions. Once your session is completed, you will then be able to use the i.Con app to download your recent data which is paired to the device using Bluetooth technology. Once you have downloaded your data, the i.Con will automatically clear its memory making way for your next session. It’s extremely simple to use. What about charging the i.Con The i.Con has an integrated micro USB port so you simply plug the i.Con into your computer or mains and charging will take approximately 1 hour. How long does the charge last? i.Cons energy efficiency is incredible, so each charge will last approximately 6-8 hours worth of ‘live’ usage. What does i.Con do with its data? Can I use it anonymously? Absolutely! All data will be kept anonymous but users will have the option to share their recent data with friends, or, indeed the world. You will be able to anonymously access stats that you can compare with i.Con users worldwide. How much will the i.Con cost? The iCon will retail at £59.99 and will carry a one year warranty. It will be available to purchase on Britishcondoms.uk only initially, but given the huge amounts of interest from retailers around the world already, no doubt i.Con will be available in stores worldwide. So what are the main features i.Con will record? i.Con will record: - Calories burnt during sexual intercourse - Speed of thrusts - Total number of thrusts - Frequency of sessions - Total duration of sessions - Average velocity of thrusts - Girth measurement - Different positions used (currently BETA testing – will have more info in a release coming soon) - Average skin temperature What about size? Will i.Con be available in different sizes? i.Con can be adjusted to suit everyone’s girth using the band adjustment feature. The band adjustment will allow you to flex the ring to the correct size for you ensuring maximum comfort. Pyongyang (North Korea’s capital) has Las Vegas beat for the excitement of high-stakes gambling. Try your luck by joining the Supreme People's Assembly. Maybe you get a holiday at the Masikryong Ski Resort, a Rolex, a Mercedes or a firing squad. You just never know, and that’s the thrill of being a high flying apparatchik. Five years ago, when Kim Young’un became leader, pundits said that he would, at best, be the pawn of the grim faced military strongmen who controlled the country. Obviously they did not realise that Kim is a full blown psychopath. Arbitrary Stalin style purges plus imaginative forms of execution have changed the generals into giggling sycophants that look like terrified schoolgirls. With all the charisma of Caligula, Young’un is a joy to his people. From the Sun (6 Dec 2016):
North Korea leader Kim Jong-un buys 100 luxury Swiss watches for those on his loyalty list. PARANOID North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has ‘played Santa’ by handing out Swiss wristwatches to his most loyal stooges. Dozens of luxury timepieces were given to those that the despot believes have been particularly good to him throughout this year. The watches were presented to 100 lucky officials and military leaders at the communist country’s seventh Workers Party Congress. However, those that missed out are panicking as they know getting on the wrong side of the dictator can mean an appointment with a firing squad. Kim infamously executed a senior North Korean official this year just because he fell asleep during a meeting. Education minister Kim Yong-Jin, 63, was shot dead after he incurred the wrath of the North Korean dictator. “Swiss watches were presented to about 100 senior officials, such as members of the party Central Committee and armed forces generals, among some 3,600 participants of the party congress,” the Japanese daily said. The customised watch faces were emblazoned with the logo of a brush, hammer and sickle to symbolise the party, it’s been reported. The regime asked the unknown manufacturer to leave out the ‘made in Switzerland” mark. Kim, who went to school in Switzerland, is known to be particularly fond of Movado and Rolex watches. CNN has hired a team of Russian Hackers who have discovered that North Korea’s stockpiles of VX are not as big as Young’un thinks. In fact, they might be less than Iraq’s Weapons of Mass Destruction.
We know from the Washington Post that the assassination of Kim’s brother was just a test (he got the idea from season 5 of Showtime’s Homeland). Kim plans to destroy the entire South Korean Government (who are currently confined to small prison cells on corruption charges) with VX. He will then march his million man army south. Next he will go on to Great Britain, where everybody has ignored David Cameron’s warning of a Korean invasion, and where the nuclear submarines don’t work. However, Kim’s Government suffers from “Stalin Syndrome” where Apparatchiks are terrified of saying anything the boss does not want to hear. His chemists have probably lied to him about the size of the stockpiles. Will the VX shortage put an end to Kim’s plans? Will Britain be safe? We doubt it. We say “send the Strike Back team back in”. One American and one Brit can deal with the North Korean Army easily. The Bizarre saga from Asian Correspondent (2 March): NORTH KOREA said on Wednesday the claim that VX nerve agent was used to kill one of its citizens in Malaysia was “absurd” and lacked scientific basis, calling it an assertion made by the United States and South Korea to tarnish the North’s image. Last week, Malaysian police said VX nerve agent, a chemical classified by the United Nations as a weapon of mass destruction, was used to kill Kim Jong Nam, estranged half-brother of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, last month. South Korean and U.S. officials have said they believe North Korea is responsible for the death. On Wednesday, a Malaysian court charged two women – an Indonesian and a Vietnamese – with the assassination. They are believed to have applied the super-toxic nerve agent that killed Jong Nam in minutes. Siti Aishah, a 25-year-old mother of one from Jakarta, and Doan Thi Huong, 28, from rural northern Vietnam, could be hanged if they are convicted for the killing that took place at Kuala Lumpur International Airport on Feb 13. The security camera footage, which has been released in the media, showed the two women approaching Jong Nam at the airport departure hall and rubbing a cloth over his face. The victim was seen stumbling into a clinic and died within 20 minutes of the assault. Malaysian authorities have also arrested one North Korean and named at least four other suspects who were said to have fled to Pyongyang after the attack. According to the AFP (via the Straits Times), North Korea’s official KCNA news agency identified the victim only as Kim Chol, the name in the passport with which Jong Nam was travelling. KCNA quoted unidentified experts as saying it was “the height of absurdity to claim that the person who applied VX, a substance fatal to the life even in case of inhalation of a tiny amount of it or its touch of skin, was left unaffected and the person to whom it was applied met a death.” As speculation and consipiracy theories mount over North Korea’s involvement in the cloak and dagger style killing of Jong Nam, KCNA offered a different account of what transpired, claiming that the two women had instead visited South Korea several times in the past. The news agency reported it was “highly possible” that Seoul allowed them to carry whatever substance was used to kill Jong Nam. The United States, KCNA also claimed, was providing South Korea with “all kinds of chemical weapons”. “This being a hard fact, the US and the South Korean authorities are kicking up an anti-DPRK (Democratic People’s Republic of Korea) smear campaign, groundlessly pulling it up,” it said. The Indonesian woman, Siti Aishah, was detained a day after Huong. Indonesian diplomats said Aishah claimed she had been paid around US$90 for her role in what she thought was a prank for reality TV. Police have said that the women knew what they were doing when they attacked Kim Jong Nam and were instructed to wash their hands afterwards. But regardless of whether they did or did not know of the murder plot, both appear to have been viewed as expendable by whoever gave them the VX. Police also said Aishah fell sick and was vomiting repeatedly while in custody, possibly as a side-effect of VX, though Indonesian embassy officials have subsequently said she is in good health. Malaysia’s investigation into the killing has sparked diplomatic tension with North Korea, and on Tuesday a high-ranking delegation arrived in Kuala Lumpur from Pyongyang in a bid to claim Jong Nam’s body and smooth ties. The Malaysian government, however, has insisted that Jong Nam’s body can only be claimed by his next-of-kin, in line with the country’s laws. |
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